Why Does He Want to be Friends if He Doesn’t Want to Date You?

Tis a simple question, no? If Marshall McCockNswag doesn’t want to date you, why is he still making an effort to be your friend?? Surely any man worth his weight in baby batter would not go through such efforts to hold on to a female friend that he doesn’t engage in coitus with… Right? Not true, of course. There are a number of different reasons why this is. There’s a post by the always insightful, sometimes super-heroic, Jeffrey Platts where he discusses the theory that your soulmate isn’t going to be anyone you know. I suggest you read it. His article makes solid points that I think we sometimes forget and it plays into why a guy will remain your friend, even if he’s not wanting to date you. You see, it might be that you’re unavailable or you carry that air of unattainable-ness (which you’re likely unaware of) that strings a man along. It’s in our nature to hold out hope for the things we want. For the sake of this article, I’ll keep the “hope” focused on interpersonal relationships.  Some of us live in clutter. No, not like the folks on ‘Hoarders;’ we keep mementos; we hold on to sentimental keepsakes; inanimate objects that remind us of a particularly fond memory. We keep this same clutter in our relationships, too. That is, we keep people around that we have an interest in (whether you want to admit to it or not) because it’s comfortable or, simply, because we admit our adoration for a person and secretly hold on to the hope we might be with that person some day.

Dating advice

It’s not as outlandish as it sounds, kids. I know that there were a good three or four women I kept around as friends because I wanted to be with them. I’m not friends with these women any longer, because I learned that one pssy in the hand was worth the two pssies in the bush (really, no pun is intended. Honest). Letting go of those friendships came with the passage of time and hormones… And getting sex elsewhere. Also, I’ve kept friendships with women I absolutely had no interest in, but I knew the women had a passing interest in me. Oh sure, I loved the attention. Really, who doesn’t love attention from the opposite sex? I kept those friendships because it boosted my self esteem… Honestly, that’s what it was. Sure, these women were good friends, too, but there was always this annoying tension that had to be dealt with at some point. It wasn’t worth keeping these friendships just to feel like I was “the mother effin’ man” (clearly, if you ever say “I’m the mother effin man,” you surely are not).

I culled those relationships in my life; cleared the emotional clutter and cut the crap. You might be asking “So, Alex, what you’re saying here is that you think that men remain friends with women they don’t date because they want to sleep with them???” My reply is: “Um, yep!” I mean, chances are better than ninety percent that the guy is keeping you around to drop his love hammer on your muffin. Does this mean that guys only think about sex? Pretty much. I’ve said it before: “We men are simple creatures. Food, booze and sex, just add water.” Oh and when we’re ready to stop being selfish, then there’s room for love… Until that time, we’ll keep you around as a friend.

Credit: Yannibmbr from The Urban Dater.

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